Comedy

George Carlin

God Bless George Carlin. He caused a lot of controversy with some of his jokes, but he is one comedian that could always crack me up!

 

George Denis Carlin Born: 1937-05-12 Died: 2008-06-22 George Carlin Biography

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence? [ Funny Marriage Quotes]

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam. [ Funny Christian  Quotes] [ Funny Bible Quotes]

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? [ Funny Suicide Quotes]

What’s all this stuff about motivation? I say, if you need motivation, you probably need more than motivation. You probably need chemical intervention or brain surgery. Actually, if you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. [ Funny Motivation Quotes]

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward. [ Funny Food Quotes] [ Funny Money Quotes]

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. — (Sometimes a Little Brain Damage Can Help, 1984) [ Funny Time Quotes]

 

 

Rodney Dangerfield – A Real Legend

Born: 1921-11-22
Died: 2004-10-05

God Bless Him! He is sorely missed in this Universe, big time!

I have always loved Rodney Dangerfield – he was one of those comedians that could just stand there and you would be laughing! He could occasionally get a bit crude, but other than that, he’s had me in tears laughing so hard so many times…..

So, here is a wee bio on Mr. Dangerfield, and a few wonderful RodneyQuotes that will hopefully give you a few laughs.

Rodney Dangerfield, born Jacob Cohen, was an American comedian and actor, best known for the line “I don’t get no respect” and his monologues on that theme.

He was born in Babylon, Long Island, USA, the son of vaudevillian Phil Roy (Philip Cohen). As a teenager, he got his start writing jokes for standup comics; he became one himself at 19, and struggled financially for nine years under the name Jack Roy before giving up show business to support his wife.

He returned to stand-up in the early 1960s; to give his career a fresh start, he changed his name to Rodney Dangerfield. The movie The Godfather inspired his trademark line about the lack of respect he received.

Headlining performances in Las Vegas and dozens of performances on The Ed Sullivan Show and The Dean Martin Show kept him in the public eye.

Dangerfield made 70 appearances on The Tonight Show. Dangerfield also made an appearance on The Simpsons as Mr. Burns’ son, Larry. Larry Burns was modeled after Dangerfield, including his tie tug.

• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
• I tell ya, when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.
• With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to
  ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.
• In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.
• I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
• Yeah, I know I’m ugly…I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
• My wife was afraid of the dark…then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light.
• My uncle’s dying wish – he wanted me on his lap….He was in the electric chair.